The mother-child relationship is one of the most impactful on human society. Yet, the depth of the mothering role is often diminished and polished for the comfort of the collective. There seems to be an unrealistic expectation that a mother should suppress her needs, wants, and desires for the sake of her family, or better yet, she is a natural nurturer and comes with the biological processes to give endlessly, wanting nothing in return. Joan B. Wolf has called this expectation "total motherhood." With this expectation comes the burden of emotional and invisible labor which, by society's default, falls to the mother.
Emotional labor: the mental activity required to manage or perform the routine tasks necessary for maintaining relationships and ensuring smooth running of a household or process, typically regarded as an unappreciated or unacknowledged burden borne disproportionately by women. Invisible labor: a term that comes from a 1987 article about "invisible work" by sociologist Arlene Daniels, refers to unpaid work that goes unnoticed, unacknowledged, and thus, unregulated.
The institution of motherhood erases the identity of the mother. In a patriarchal society, this erasure is upheld in order to keep women disempowered and the wheels turning. Ironically, feminism (and maybe more so individual feminists) has often failed mothers by dismissing, undervaluing and ignoring their collective needs. It is feminist to take on motherhood as an institution supported by the patriarchy, but it is not feminist to devalue the work done in domestic spaces by mothers. "Institutions are established social mechanisms and significant cultural practices that regulate human behavior according to the needs of a community, not individuals. Thus, motherhood is not simply biological or innate; it is also a social institution that functions ideologically and politically." This institution of motherhood is one that I have, at many times, struggled with. Being an independent thinker, feminist, an artist and a bit of a free spirit I have often defied authority and contended with institutions. The fight against this cultural erasure of my identity is at the center for me. The title/job consumes everything that makes me a whole human being. I am a mother and that title/duty cannot coexist alongside my ability to be sexual, autonomous, employable, or paid can it?! My wants and desires are selfish if they are not centered solely on my child! I give my child her existence and that alone should be enough to fulfill me! Those narratives are what I choose to actively resist. "The nourishment that a mother is expected to derive from motherhood is the joy of watching her child grow and change, an opportunity mothers themselves are often denied or punished for."
Artistic depictions (often by male artists) of the mother-child relationship, though few and far between, are created through a palatable lense that reinforces the nurturing empty vessel the world wants to see mothers fulfill.
Artists have depicted their own internal/external experiences since the beginning of art, but when women who are mothers do the same they are met with patriarchal dismissives, censored, and stigmatized. Of course, many of the great male artists had children but they are not faced with the same stigmas or questioning. Many men and women uphold the patriarchal standards against mothers who are also artists even if the work they create does not address or depict motherhood. In the art community, be it small town gallerist, art professor or peer artists, it is almost as if by becoming a mother you cannot be trusted to make good work anymore. The warnings are always binary: children or art.
You can’t paint at night in your kitchen and hope to be a good artist." - Some performance space director quoted in the New York Times
What a bougie comment, I guess you need access to studio space and wealth to be a good artist. He was not thinking of mothers when he said this but many artists/mothers make work when children are sleeping, while they are breastfeeding, where they can find the space, often at a kitchen table. This is also bullshit because artists make work regardless of constraint be it time/space/access/money. And by the way, Ruth Asawa worked on her sculptures at her kitchen table (with her kids around) and she is a pretty great example of a "good artist."
Writer Cyril Connolly condemned domesticity by saying, “There is no more sombre enemy of good art than the pram in the hall.”
“There are good artists that have children. Of course there are. They are called men.”
-Tracy Emin, Artist
“I’ve never known of a woman whose career carries on once they have children,” spoken by an art dealer’s wife to painter Ishbel Myerscough.
“In my opinion [having children is] the reason why women aren’t as successful as men in the art world. There are plenty of talented women. Why do men take over the important positions? It’s simple. Love, family, children—a woman doesn’t want to sacrifice all of that.”
- Marina Abramović
She is indulging in this myth that women cannot have children and a career in art, as if that something inside them that makes them an artist just deteriorates when they become a mother.
Of course there are many great artists who were also mothers, Artemisia Gentaleshi, Yoko One, Ruth Asawa, Jenny Saville, Carrie Mae Weems, Lousie Bourgeois and Kara Walker to name a few. "Having children isn’t for everyone, but offering up old school sexism isn’t useful to anyone.” - Kara Walker, Artist and Mother My roles, as an artist and a mother, are types of labor that are essential to the well-being of humanity yet these roles are each individually underappreciated, underfunded and undervalued. Every mom is working and that work is invaluable. I don't get paid for my very emotionally, psychologically and physically difficult work. My volunteer work ensures the continuation of the species and will hopefully end in the building of a better world through my child(ren)…. you're welcome. My art is a resistance to all I have discussed and quoted above. I want my work to highlight the sometimes brutal and painful. I will be honest in my experience within the taboos and institution of motherhood. Through my work I make the invisible visible again.
"Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable."
P.S. Have you ever thought about what would happen if stay at home mothers who provide free labor would do to the world if they performed a mass strike? They would have a massive effect on the economy and production would shut down. Mothers are the mycelium network* of the capitalist world. They are an essential part of the framework. If this undervalued, forgotten-about network of mycelium were to disappear, you would be met with the end of the world.
*Mycelium are incredibly tiny “threads” of the greater fungal organism that wrap around or bore into tree roots. Taken together, mycelium composes what's called a “mycorrhizal network,” which connects individual plants together to transfer water, nitrogen, carbon and other minerals. This vast network of fungi communicates with and nourishes other plants.
Sources and good reads: https://zacharyayotte.substack.com/p/mom?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email&utm_source=facebook&fbclid=IwAR1ZsIUaw3t2c37vB5SocohIOlWeuGhjo4-HYmezVu17oJtecun2G-AlD4w https://www.google.com/amp/s/mashable.com/article/what-is-invisible-labor.amp https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a32017759/invisible-labor-mothers/ https://medium.com/the-virago/we-need-to-talk-about-the-emotional-labor-of-raising-adult-men-49f244a87306 https://www.google.com/amp/s/mashable.com/article/what-is-invisible-labor%3famp Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institution Book by Adrienne Rich Conversations on the Artist/Mother network
Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder
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